Afis’ Story : I Was Raped

Afis’ Story : I Was Raped

The only way I ever got the strength to forgive my rapists was understanding I was suffocating from anger.
I had carried the burden of being sexually abused for as long as the day I read about rape at school as a young teenager & understanding what’s it about. I remember that morning as if it was yesterday because thats when it literally hit me , “Im one of them. I’m one of the statistics”.
I was raped numerous times from when I was 8 years until I became 9 years old & yes In case you are wondering EVERY SINGLE DAY. At that age , I honestly couldn’t define the act , what I knew is that it was painful & for some odd reason my body would start trembling soon after.
Even though I didnt understand the concept of what was being done to me , deep inside my heart I knew it wasn’t okay & because I didn’t know how to describe it , as an 8 year old I kept quiet about it for a whole entire year.
Keeping quiet was one of the most tortious reasons , as a young adult I hated myself for. In my mind , I couldn’t understand why I kept quiet………………….During this whole time , half way through the year I guess , having to be raped everyday before and after school. At night at day time , on weekends and especially on Sundays.
If theres anything I vividly recall is how tired and sore my body and girl part would be on Sundays because I was left all alone with them.
One of the hardest things that made me resist healing from my rape encounter was how , at that age I started enjoying what my mind and body was used to.
I recall myself moving to a place of pleasure. I had been so used to being raped that I started enjoying it , well my body did. My mind was utterly disconnected.
What had been hard for me to digest all these years was failing to understand why at 8 years of age, I enjoyed being raped & for the past years , I hated myself for that……………………………………………………>>content continues<<

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Related