A source of strength’s Story: When Does the Healing Begin?

I moved to South Korea to teach English after graduating university. This was my first real job and experience traveling outside of BC. A couple months after I moved there I met an American who was serving in the US military. We dated for about 7 or 8 months and then we broke up. We stayed in touch causally after that until my contract ended in 2006.

A couple weeks before I left, I text him to let him know that I would be moving back to Vancouver. Two nights later, around 2 am I got a text from him saying he was outside my apartment and wanted to say goodbye. I let him into my apartment. I lived in a small studio apartment so we were sitting on my bed chatting. Then he kissed me and pushed me down. He got on top of me and held my hands above my head. He pinned me down and with his other hand took off my underwear. I was begging him to stop and was yelling no but my cries went unheard. I was finally able to kick and push him off of me. I told him to get out of my apartment and he seemed surprised by my reaction. I left Korea a couple weeks later.

9 years later I can still feel the weight of him on top of me. As I am sharing my story for the fist time there is a flood of emotions. I never told my story of being raped I think because for a long time I blamed myself, I was the one who let him into my apartment at 2 in the morning. Since that horrific night, being intimate with another man has never felt the same. A man I was seeing last year told me that I seemed broken, I do feel that being raped changed me, maybe I am broken. I hope that by sharing my story I can now start the healing process.

Thank you for creating an outlet for me to share my story.