A 19 Year Old College Student’s Story: My Best Friend Raped Me

My best friend of 5 years invited me to a bonfire with some of our co-workers; I agreed to go because we always hang out. We have gone to the beach, movies, parties everything so it wasn’t a big deal. I felt safe around him. He picked me up and drove to the beach, when we arrived there was nobody to be found. So he suggested we just hang out and look at the stars and the waves and I agreed. He had taken some tequila and I took two shots, I tried convincing him to take some as well but he denied since he had to drive. However, two shots normally don’t do much to me, I’m not a lightweight and I know how to take care of myself. Yet everything after those two shots is a blur.

I remember him kissing my neck and groping me, yet I was in so much shock that I felt like I couldn’t move. I remember the moment he put his penis in my vagina, I hadn’t had sex in years so the pain was excruciating. He kept telling me to be quiet as I cried; I remember his disgusting moans and groans. I remember him getting off of me and I asked if he was done, and he replied, “are you done?” As if I were enjoying it just as much as he was. He decided to have a second round, yet this time I really couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t speak, and my thoughts were empty.

I don’t remember anything after that, not even getting home. I woke up the next day with hickeys on my neck, and feeling dizzy and nauseous. I had to go work that morning, and I left feeling numb. I couldn’t even think. How was I supposed to think? That whole day was filled with shock and sickness.

The day after that I realized what happened, I was drugged and raped by someone I thought I could trust. He planned the whole thing out, and I fell for it. Every day keeps weighing on me, I keep blaming myself. I’m afraid of going to work because I don’t want to face my rapist. I cry every night and I’m afraid to even go out with my friends. I look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted with myself I see no beauty. I don’t know how to deal with this all I know is that I must because I can’t let this change my life. However, this happened a couple of days ago and I’m really afraid that I might end up pregnant because he didn’t use a condom. I know I have to get myself checked but I’m just really afraid.