19 Year Old College Student’s Story: I Asked for It

He was my ex. This happened in October, 2014. I’ve only told two people, best friend & mother.

At 14 I started dating this 18 year old, he treat me like a princess. He bought me things, took me places and he was indeed my first boyfriend. His friends made fun of him for dating a young girl and eventually things got to his head, people’s rumours got to him and he broke it off with me. We remained friends for a bit but eventually lost contact and just politely waved when we saw each other. Two years later I moved countries (16 yr old) and here I am now, in the United Kingdom.

Two years later, at 18, he contacts me. “Hey, I’m coming to London with a few mates, would be lovely to see you! xo” By now he is 21-22 years old, I’m no longer a virgin, I’m a bit more out there, outgoing maybe? So I decide yeah why not, I’ll catch up with him for a day! He booked my trains to London and told me he would sneak me in to his Bed and Breakfast. Problem? He had been with a girl for two years by then and was living with her, but he came to London with the boys.

Fast forward: I get off the train, he sees me and tells me I still look as beautiful as ever. He still had feelings for me apparently… So we go out, eat something, he introduces me to all the boys all of which were single and I was very happy flirting innocently with them all but he wasn’t happy… We go out for a drink and I say I just want a coke and vodka, he got me a double shot ??? He got me another one and by here I’m already a bit tipsy (I’m veeery lightweight…) We go back to the bed and breakfast and he starts kissing me, kissing my sides, rubbing me etc. I tell him to stop, it’s not right and he is drunk. He was drooling, I thought he was drugged up to be honest… He was drooling and his lips were dry, I was disgusted. I pushed him off and told him to stop it at once, so he listened and passed out in the bed lol…

All I remember from then on is him penetrating me as I woke up. Must have been like 3 or 4 am and I just remember him touching my butt, taking my underpants off and going at it. No condom, no protection, I was half asleep and just didn’t know what to say.

Next morning he bought us all croissants and took us all for breakfast, he paid for mine and then he walked me to my train to go home. His only words were “Last night was fun huh?” I say “Um… You did me… Without protection…” I kinda giggled a bit, nervously and he replied with “Yeah but whatever, no biggie. Plus, you were the one wiggling your butt and asking for it, dirty little girl!” after a wink… I got on my train, got home, told my mother what happened and she said “Well, you know what you were going to London for!”

Since then I can’t get naked with a guy. I feel trapped in relationships. I already had daddy issues from before but now getting with someone sounds impossible, like they would hurt me or something… Help me…

-L.A