V.A’s Story: I Lost My Mind then I Lost My Body

V.A’s Story: I Lost My Mind then I Lost My Body

November 29th
It was a dark rainy day. I was giving a speech. one i thought it’ll never chance me.
Things will be the same. something happened. I felt odd after. A sort blood rush.
I was kissed by a man.
I kissed somebody. That person didn’t kiss me back. So somebody else did. It was a person. I was also confused. I didn’t know what happened after as i went completely blank and into darkness. It was sort-ta raped.
I was confused. I was also starting to like it, I fault back and then let it attacked my tongue. I was raped. I actually got raped. That man was a pervert.
That night i peed blood and vomit blood. was i poison or was i raped. Few days or weeks after i found a picture i took of my Virginia in the weekend where my virginity had been lost. From Nov-feb, i had sex.
Dec i got myself with a picture again i took that day during my cousin wedding. And then a feeling of sexual during my cousin engagement. I was confused.
After that it never happened again.

2014-2015.
I was raped again. My breathing was really fast. It happened so quickly.
Could it be real? was it true? was it my imagination? I have photos and also scars and i started feeling like i was pregnant but was faking it, as with my schizophrenia illness, i had to deal with this one. I also started eating more check every pharmacy and doctor nothing was positive and i still had my periods.

who i did it with was another question. Answers still left unanswered. It was after my speech that i became sick. And in a bad way, people were staring at me. so close to my face. I had to cry it out. everyday after that i started crying.
I am already mentally sick. And people can do this to me? I had lost my mind and then my body. I had gone from mad to madness. After all that in 2016, i lost respect and hope and popularity it was because other people seem to have shinned over me and became better and greater and have done greater things.

I started thinking maybe i should stop advocacy for a while and focus on my health and do regular jobs. something more normal and less of the limelight. I am here to learn from my experiences. I respect myself a lot and shouldn’t worry what the media or radio says about me. my reputation has been ruined. But i’ll fight it and find a way to come back once i had enough of break from the media.

My life is simple if i can be a source of hope it be great but if i can’t move on to something else. I don’t want to start comparing. I have a good chance and far share of expressing myself. I know nobody believes me.


This is an anonymous story, submitted via our website. 

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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