Sara’s Story: I don’t know what to think

Sara’s Story: I don’t know what to think

On the weekends me and some girl friends go to our other friends house to drink and just have fun. This time there was different people there than there usually is, people I didn’t know. One of the girls came over to me and said that I should go talk to this one guy.. I never went and talked to him because I wasn’t interested. So the night went on and I was talking to the guy whos house it was and he said that I should hook up with him but I told him that I didn’t want to. So I walk out of the room where we were talking and the guy was standing there waiting and he asked to talk to me so I said ok.

We didn’t talk.. He pulled me to him and started grabbing my butt and kissing me. I pulled away and told him that I didn’t to but he just kept asking why and I told him that it doesn’t matter why I just don’t want to. So I go to walk away and he keeps pulling me back in. he starts to walk me to a room and says that we were just going to make out nothing else. I didn’t walk into the room, I’m standing in the door telling him I didn’t want to and that I was going to go back downstairs with everyone else. Then he picks me up and carries me to the bed. I just kept saying I didn’t want to and he said “if we aren’t having sex then let me go down on you” I said no and kept trying to bring his head up every time he tried to go down but he’s a big college football player.. I’m not stronger than him. So after he does this he moves me more on to the bed and starts having sex with me, I move as if I just wanted to change positions and I end up on top of him. After being on top for maybe 4 seconds I get up and he looks at me and asked what I’m doing, I told him that that was it and he said nah and kept trying to pull me back but I told him I was going downstairs. As I’m putting my clothes on he tries to take a picture of me to his teammates.. I wouldn’t let him.

I never really considered this to be rape until I told my friends about it and one of them said “So you were raped”. I never considered it rape also because in high school and even know I’m kind of known to just sleep with anyone. I’m not going to deny that I have slept with a few guys and half of them were drunk one night stands, or a random hook up, But they have always been with people I’ve wanted to be with. I didn’t know this guy and he didn’t know me, we had just met at this party.

I guess I’m still confused on if it was rape or not. I don’t want to say this was rape because there are people out there who raped by others who physically hurt them and forced themselves on them. I don’t consider myself a true victim of rape because I’m not a survivor.. there were moments I was scared of what the guy would do but I didn’t cry out fear or have to scream for help. I just don’t really know what to think about the situation. this is the first time only the second time I’ve talked about it in detail like this. So I don’t really know if it was rape or maybe it was because he somehow knew that I had slept with guys I didn’t know before and he just assumed that I would want to with him because of who I am or because he was a big time college football.. he couldn’t even understand why I wouldn’t sleep him considering he kept saying how he was a D1 football player and things to build him up when I would say no.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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