Payton’s Story: Blackmailed by Stepdad

Payton’s Story: Blackmailed by Stepdad

I was 15 and a virgin, and in my first serious relationship. I kept the long distance relationship a secret from everyone because he was older than me and I knew my mother wouldn’t approve and was worried my friends would judge me. One night while I was taking nude pictures/videos for my boyfriend, I didn’t know my then stepdad was spying on me through a hole he had made in the my bedroom wall. I realized this when he screamed at me through the hole.
“Is this what you do?! All this time, you lock yourself up in your room, you being a slut? Your mother is gonna hear about this”
He then started banging on the locked door. I was absolutely terrified. When I covered myself and opened the door to try and explain, he immediately got my phone and blocked the doorway. I started crying trying to explain myself, he had sent my pictures and videos to himself and threatened to leak them if I didn’t let him touch me. I was so stuck in the moment scared, because I knew that if he told my mother I’d be in so much trouble, and because a girl in my school had recently had nude pictures and videos of herself leaked and she was being bullied mercilessly. Despite me trying to quickly nudge my way past him, he was too quick and too strong. All the begging him to let me leave were useless too. In tears i gave up because I knew there was no getting out of it.  I dropped the towel and he immediately slammed and locked the door, placed me on the bed, where I closed my eyes as he began performing oral sex on me then fingering me. I remember feeling so disgusting afterwards because my body started to like how it all felt after a while.
My mother’s job had her abroad for the rest of the month and I was too scared and ashamed  to run away especially because of his threats. The day afterwards, I’d come home from school and he showed me sex
toys he bought for me. The rest of the month he continued to force oral sex on me and finger me, as well as forcing me to masturbate in front of him.
This went on for two more months every time my mother was away, until they broke up. I have never told anyone because I’m ashamed and feel like it was my fault to begin with. I still get flashbacks and have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while which I just blame on school pressure.

Author

Samantha McCoy

Samantha McCoy

My name is Samantha and I am a survivor of rape. I went through the worst experience of my life and it took many, many things from me. It took my happiness for over a year, I lost my salaried job, I lost my apartment, I wasn't able to attend classes regularly, I didn't want to leave bed... everything reminded me of what happened and I feared running into him or his friends. Although he took so much from me and two years of my life are gone that were wasted on trying to heal from the damages, he did not take my voice. I now dedicate my time to educating others on sexual assault and being a voice for the survivors who cannot speak out on their experience.

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