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Feb 15

Jill E Waz’s Story: Didn’t want him to think I owed him anything

1986 My long term college boyfriend had left for grad school a few weeks before and I didnt want another relationship yet. A coworker asked if I’d go for a fish fry with him, I told him just as friends. Wore plain jeans, bulky sweater, hiking boots, drove myself, payed for my own meal because I didn’t want him to feel like I owed him anything. Must’ve put something in my drink, because I only had part of one short glass of beer when I told him I didnt feel right and wanted to go home. Got to my car and realized I shouldn’t drive. His apartment was just around the corner. (How convenient) Not sure how I got there, but found myself naked, under him with my wrists pinned over my head and him on me and in me. Didn’t turn him in because I’d heard how awful it was to be on trail as a victim of rape. Told a friend didn’t get the support I needed, felt shamed and looked down on. Had an abortion because i couldn’t carry on his genes. Genes that are capable of treating a person like they don’t matter. Needed a procedure to cut out the precancerous cells from my cervix from the STD he gave me as well. These events never leave you, they taint every experience you have and shade how you view the world. How do you accept this as the world your own college age kids inhabit?

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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