Jessica’s Story: Once Upon a Time

Jessica’s Story: Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, there was a girl who experienced her first sexual orgasm. That girl was me, Jessica. It all happened one day around 1997 when my older half sister asked if she could perform a lewd sex act on me. I consented and to this day I was never the same. These acts whether it was oral sex or something involving her breasts happened whenever an adult wasn’t around. After about a few years, she tried to make me go down on her and once commented how I didn’t taste too good. One time around 2001, she performed oral sex on me while I was asleep and may have taken my womanhood away from me earlier that year when I was just 8. it may have been rape. It was definitely a gay sex act. Writing this just makes me feel nasty and vulnerable all over again. Incest just like any sexual abuse can really fuck you up.

It got to the point where I was molested by both her and my ex-stepfather. I started allowing him to do what she let me do , which was sucking my breasts. I feel so ashamed. He also did other similar things like oral sex, ejaculating his penis semen onto a cloth, etc. It was a horrible time for me. The abuse with him started around late 2001 and ended in early 2004. One time after New Years, my mom caught him touching my breasts, had an argument with him and told me to come upstairs so she could beat me. When I finally told her about being molested by him, she, of course, was very sorrowful and expressed remorse. But, said and did things before and after my confession, several months after she started suffering from mental illness, contradicting her statement about the abuse not being my fault.

The sexual abuse between me and my sister ended around late spring 2004. Now that my mother is mentally unstable, I wished I could’ve told her about my sister as well. But, I thought I still cared for that monster. It took me living apart from my older half sister to realize the toxicity of our relationship. Yeah, she did some good things for me, but overall there has been bad blood between us for the longest time. Given the ages that we were when the abuse first happened, it’s possible someone may have molested her first. After we started living apart, she began to harp on what I wasn’t doing in my life. It was like she was always trying to compare her “sacrifices” and “achievements” to mine. She always chased after money. When she did work at jobs that weren’t paying “enough” by her standards, she would borrow from my dad and I even though we were unemployed. Yet, the next minute she was saying how I need to get a job, new clothes, etc. And even yelled at me in the car once to the point where I was in tears. She tried performing this same number months earlier crying crocodile tears both times. Now, I know her tricks. She thought yelling at me over the phone didn’t work so she did this to me while in person.

Knowing her, it was probably one of her sick psychological tactics to make me feel bad about not being on the same page as her. I finally saw her one last time around August 2014, when we went out to dinner together. After that, I realized I couldn’t stand her and she probably hasn’t liked me for years. I was tired of always being put down by her because my progress wasn’t hers. Once I wrote a questionable post on Facebook, she asked me if I was okay. I ignored her messages twice because I realized she was just gonna say the same old things as before and would just make me feel worse. Most of the time I answered her stupid messages. But, these two measly times I didn’t was enough to make her unfriend me. In her final post to me, she said something along the lines of how I think I have life figured out and that I was an adult now and she wasn’t gonna chase me. She claimed to be hurt by it. She even said she doesn’t know what she’s done. Bullshit!! She knew damn well what she’s done, not only to me, but to others as well. She feels she can hurt people and there are no consequences to it. Since I came out about what this disgusting piece of vile trash has done, not only has she denied my accusations, but says it’s all because I’m “jealous of her success”.

She even tried lying to my dad about it. What’s worse??? People like my maternal aunt come to her defense and say I have to forgive her…..for the sake of our fucked up family???!!! What would she do if this was her grandchildren??? Better yet, what does she think our mother would have done???!!!! Had I told our mother what my nasty sister did when I was about 17, she probably would’ve kicked her out and or murdered her. What would have been my nasty sister’s defense then?? That she was getting her life together and I wasn’t? No, that would not fly. I was only 17 and she could barely compare her “achievements” to mine back then. She kept moving in and out of our mother’s house. Had I told my mother what she did, she’d probably be out on the street. Last I heard, she’s seeing a psychiatrist. I think it has something to do with what I told my therapist about her possibly being a threat to other children. My therapist said she had to notify CPS about the situation. The police were also notified, but said that because I was an adult, they can no longer pursue the case even though it’s on file. While I’m not necessarily looking for justice in my situation, I still hope something happens that makes anyone who comes to her defense realize she’s not right.

Better yet, I hope some guys in straight jackets come to take her away to a mental institution.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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