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Jul 08

Chandler’s Story: He Took My Virginity by Force

Music blared from the small bluetooth speaker in front of me as I leaned against the warm figure next to me on the couch. “Here, finish your drink.” I heard him whisper as he pushed cold glass into my hand. I numbly complied and coughed a bit when the vodka burned the back of my throat. Sleepily, I turned to him for approval and was rewarded with a small smile and a nod of his dark haired head. Pulling me onto his lap, he began whispering how beautiful I looked tonight and that he wished he’d broken up with his girlfriend sooner so he could be with me. I only half listened as I looked around the eclectic living room.

Family pictures lined the walls and brightly colored souvenirs from years of family trips were scattered amongst the collection of hand carved furniture. I felt his hands slide around my back to the clasp of my bra but before I could push his roaming hands away and explain that I didn’t want that, [N] bounced into the room and pulled me up from the couch. Unfamiliar to the effects of alcohol, I lazily followed her into the kitchen and ran into her tall form as she abruptly turned to face me. “So how’s it going? You’re really into him aren’t you”, she giddily questioned me. Unsure of what she was referring to, I just bobbed my head up and down before sliding down to sit on the cool wood of the kitchen floor. “Hey [A]! Would you be down to hook up with Chandler because I think she’s into it.” I heard [N] yell as I pressed my cheek to the floor and tried to breathe out my mouth to keep from feeling sick.

The next thing I knew, [N] was shaking me awake and pressing a towel into my hands as her swimsuit clad body jogged around me towards the balcony where I knew the hot tub was located. Pushing my body up, I drank straight from the sink in order to rid the dryness in my mouth. As I was leaning over, a warm body pressed up behind me and an arm reached around to shut off the faucet. Hot breath whispered into my ear, “Babe pull yourself together and get on a swim suit…or not” and his body vibrated with a deep chuckle at his little joke. I turned around, uncomfortable at the attention I was getting from one of my best friends and began to shuffle towards the bathroom door before his arms came back around my waist. “Come on, stop playing hard to get. You know that I won’t judge you for wanting me.” He said with a smile as he gripped my butt. I began to feel sick, not from the alcohol but from the look that I’d only ever seen him give other girls.

My mind went black for a few seconds because suddenly all my clothing was on the ground and he’d picked me up. In my stupor, I simply assumed that I’d gotten sick on my clothes or something and that he was helping me. Being one of my best friends and someone that I trusted so deeply, that’s just what I assumed. That was very much not the case. I became even more confused when he placed me down onto the cushioned floor mat in the kitchen and caged me in with his body. “I can’t believe that we’ve waited this long to do this,” he mumbled as he unzipped his pants.

I laid there and inspected the texture of the gel that held his black hair in place. I wasn’t sure what was happening but I knew that he was someone that I should trust. His low voice came back into my ear, “I know that you want this. Just relax. Nothing will hurt if you relax.” My mind told my body to go numb as I thought to myself, don’t be stupid, of course you don’t want to be in pain.

That was a lie. As soon as I felt the pain, something in my brain reconnected and I pushed away as hard as I could which was difficult seeing as he’s 200 pounds of muscle. He stopped moving completely but didn’t let me up. Heavy footsteps came from the direction of the hot tub and I heard [N] call out, “Hey where are you guys? Come on in, the heat feels great!” The knowledge that someone was coming gave me the adrenaline rush that I need and I rolled to my side before sloppily running to the other side of the countertop where I saw my sweatshirt laying. Pulling it around my body, I slid the swimsuit that [N] had left me underneath it and bolted towards the hot tub.

The hot water calmed me down and felling of the jets on my back lulled me into a half sleep. Some time later, [N] helped me out of the water and guided me towards the couch where she pulled my sweatshirt back over my head and left me to sleep.

Hours later, the vibrations of my cellphone from underneath a couch cushion woke me up. I blindly felt for my phone as the sun glared into my eyes through uncovered windows. The same sick feeling from the night before took root in the bottom of my stomach as I reread the simple words on the lock screen of my phone. “ Hey. Sry for anything I did last night, was pretty out of it and don’t really remember. Hope we’re still cool tho.” The texted apology made me want to do anything but forgive him. All I could think was ‘Why me?’

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WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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