«

»

Aug 20

Anonymous Story: Will I Ever Feel Again???

I was a person and a girl and a wife……now I feel like nothing
Life seems to have targeted me just as the 2 men that raped me
I have been trying to find out what makes some girls targets and how these creeps figure it out
I have spent 22 years trying to figure out what happened I used to curl into a ball and cry not knowing what it was but that it was bad. I had very small memories and felt I was at fault because I got in a car with 2 strangers. You think a Navy Officer and Airmen are safe …. Everyone is a stranger and on this my life changed

I got my rapist to confess that he exposed himself, tackled me with his privates exposed and also place himself in my dorm room and he actually identified a witness. Researching I found a letter I wrote the next morning to my husband saying I recall this person in my room trying to kiss me and I threw him off but when I found the witness 20 years later he had such refreshing news. HE SEEN and REPORTED in NAVY watch book. He said he was kicked out and things thrown at him by these 2 men. Wow I must have enough to get a conviction so I go to the Navy Memphis TN and try to report this but I do not recall the names but they were in my dorm at the time only about 40 people and I was told the best I can hope for is they are dead by the first Navy Legal I tried to report to. No help nothing. So I hired a PI and they also were getting me nowhere and then I found another letter I wrote and mailed in 1995 with one of their names in it. So I report to local police and they forward to NCIS and it starts good they promise this guy will go away he is a Felon now with intent to cause sever bodily harm, breaking and entering while someone home. A real creep….. One year and a ton of tears later I am where I started. I was told by NCIS LTCDR Bob that my witness said he could not positively name them but if he had pictures.. The Navy had no pictures of these guys for him to look at….WHAT seriously I could find pictures on the internet. They had to have military ID’s. Long story short I was 1 girl locked in a barracks with all men that were getting kicked out of the military for crimes the worst of the worst and they took my door off my room because the men were back late as a punishment and gave me no female support I was a sitting duck, It only took a week for my life to change one day me the next a victim or rape. I am so tired of letting this effect my life I can not tell you the bad things I have go through my head. I am a mom but my insides were all screwed up and I could not carry my son. I have become numb and cold and my family suffers. I can not even go to a counselor I only cry the whole time no chance to even heal. PLEASE someone tell me how to heal. Tell me I am not stupid. Tell me I can become me again I can’t get hurt its okay to open up. I am shut down and cold.

I want my life back

About the author

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/anonymous-story-will-i-ever-feel-again/