Anonymous Story: There Will Never Be Justice for What You Did

Anonymous Story: There Will Never Be Justice for What You Did

I have never written anything about my personal life before, but I’m going to tell you my story that needs to be shared. When I was 7 years old, I was molested by my step-grandfather who we will call “LS”. He lived in a different state with my grandmother. Every summer from the age of 7-13 i was sent on a plane with my older sister to stay with my grandparents for 2 weeks. Before the age of 7 “LS” was the perfect grandfather in my life. I was completely wrong about who this man was, and you’re about to find out why. My first memory of “LS” touching me was upstairs while we were watching tv in my grandparent’s bedroom. I was 7 at the time. I didn’t know what the human anatomy was or who was allowed to touch me. He grabbed my hand and put it on his groin while making sexual face expressions. I wasn’t sure what was going on at that point. All I thought was that it was okay, because I trusted him. After that night when he made me touch him, he took it as his advantage over me. I would be playing silently in my spare room and see him walk in and grab my lips to stick his tongue in my mouth. He would use whatever spare time alone without grandma to take control of me. For 7 years I was sent on a plane over to an old man who sexually abused me at every possible opportunity. As I got older 8-9 years old, I knew what was going on wasn’t supposed to be happening. He would continue his routine of trying to get me alone whenever he could. I would be in the shower not able to close my eyes because he watched me. He would touch me in the kitchen while my grandma was sleeping. Every time we would be alone in the elevator he would touch me and kiss me. I would wake up to a feeling of a mouth or hand rubbing on my pubic region (still have nightmares about this). There were continuous situations where I felt uncomfortable and so incredibly vulnerable. I couldn’t let anybody find out and I couldn’t get him to stop. I was scared of this 6 ft big old man who had been in the war. What if he rapes me… I’ll never be the same. He never took my virginity, he just took my entire soul. I am now 19 years of age. Between 13-19 years old, I had tried to wipe away the past and pretend LS never did anything wrong, even though I know he did. It hit me one night February 2018. I woke up in a panic next to my boyfriend. I was breathing heavily and crying till I couldn’t breath. I had a dream which was actually an erased memory from my childhood past. I saw LS lying on the spare bed and him asking me to put my mouth around his penis, he then asked me if I wanted to put it in. I tried to avoid the situation instantly, but I was stiff and couldn’t think properly. Before he had the chance to possibly rape me, I got up said grandma was coming and ran off. It took me 7 years to remember every detail of my childhood and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am suffering from depression, severe anxiety, insomnia, nightmares and what feels like a soulless life. How could this man take away my soul? I will never get any justice for what you have done and you are going to die a free man, and you shouldn’t be a free man. I pray that you suffer for what you did and I pray that any human being who touches a child shall go to hell for eternity. I had a lotus tattooed between my shoulder blades just like the one from this website.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Related