For a long time i had not seen my ex coworker. We were good friends and as much as i would tell him i wasn’t gay, he would encourage me to go after guys, make fun of it, and tell me i shouldnt be so slow as i am with the girls. For a long time we made jokes abouy these situations and i repeateadly over the years told him i watched porn, kissed 3 guys while under ketamine with friends and it never made me feel a thing, so i tried and i was obviously not gay. I even had another ex coworker abuse of me (as a naive 19 year old boy who had never had much contact with girls) doing a Blowjob in his house after a night out and with no bus or cab to take, not knowing where i was.
So, the former friend and i met at a park and we talked a lot, a good evening and he took me to Outback to try it (he is a waiter). I went and we ate. I told him how i didnt like guys and how i hate when they try to take advantage of situations like me, who would suffer in silence, confused and frozen about what to say and afraid to hurt their feelings and come out as rude, not standing up to my dignity. He proceeded to buy me 2 liters of beer, and when peeing at the urinals he would look at my penis and make a compliment and complain i wasnt getting any pussy. On the way to the bus stop, far away at the park, he kept buying me beers claiming it was a long time since we saw each other and every time we pee, he would look at it again. He asked to touch and i said ok so he would get over with it. At the park, raining at night, i was not wasted, rather lost my inhibtions, without me realizing he stood at a tree with me under the rain, grabbed my dick and i froze but didnt mind at first, then he started sucking me and i told him not, cuz it wouldnt harden, to proove his ego, he proceeded trying it. I was umconfortable and let it go for a while. Then asking him to stop. At this moment i was mad but not with a lost temper. He knew i like transexual girls and he told me to suck his, i tried to , so i could prove for once and for all i didnt like it, spit right away! Disgusting! I had no dignity anymore, i felt lost. I felt dirty, a nobody, like fog in my mind, filled with regret. He asked just to rub his dick on my buttcheeks and after a few seconds i told it was done, lets go out. We went to the bus stop, he said he was sorry, and i tried to laugh it off, it was ok, i didnt die, right? Nobody got hurt…. we talked until i caught my bus home and that night on instagram without mentioning it. And the same week he says hi and im not planning to answer, i dont want to know his boyfriend who is whiling to meet me, i don’t want to look at him again, knowing that as much as i did it, i didn’t want it and i repeatedly told him so. Why i did it? Who knows. I dont. Will never no.
Rest in peace. Friendship.