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Oct 21

Anonymous Story: My rape story first time being publicly said clearly

It all started in kindergarten when I got my skirt pulled down by two girls. I told the teacher and the teacher made them stand in front of the class and apologize to me 100 times literally. I thought that was the end of that.

In the summer before first grade, I was invited in a guests house and I was sitting with my family. We were sitting- the men and women in a circle each to one side. All of a sudden one of the ladies told a young boy about my age to go around and kiss everyone on the cheek. He did but when he came to me, I don’t know if it was my brother or another guy but anyways the guy kissed my lips instead of my cheeks when he came to me. I was feeling hot and embarrassed.

This was not the end of it.

Sometime in elementary school things got worse specifically in second grade. My friend was over and I was playing in my room with her and her sister. All of a sudden when I had my back to the bedroom door which was open my brother came and pulled down my pants and underwear. I don’t know at what point I found out it was my brother but all I remember being traumatized since that day. In all honesty I was sexually assaulted. A few years later my brother admitted to me that he was later sexually assaulted so I guess it was karma. I still feel bad about it. At 8 it happened and at age 17 I realized it was rape. What reminded me of that incident is that in seventh grade I had a dream that a guy was getting on top of me. It wasn’t real but it felt so real. That dream reminded me of what happened. After that in freshman year I kept telling people that I was raped and had become a porn star who has lost many babies. I was deemed mentally ill and under psychosis. I felt so guilty for making up a rape that I had simply forgotten but was in my conscious. Now 9 years later I am still on medication for anxiety and depression and have undergone several diagnosis.

The sad thing is I am 17 and a half and have been sleeping in the same time where I got raped. I feel almost detached from my body and haven’t gotten over it. I struggle every night and my parents haven’t moved from that very same house I got raped in. I hope to join the US Navy, overweight from the meds and escape home. I can’t anymore. I have to be nice to my brother. He raped me. I live with him. I see him everyday. Nothing has changed, I still sleep in the same room and our privacy tree is now gone cut by the neighbors.

I hope you all benefitted. I want to help those like me.
Back to when I got raped both of my friends watched me get raped. Both of them eight years later threw rocks at me while I was at a Girl Scouts Camp as a team captain- I was trying to teach my fellow scouts things. I got stones thrown at me and was told I should hang myself. On the up side I have not attempted suicide but still, my pain lags on.

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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