Anonymous Story: Me Too

Anonymous Story: Me Too

“Perfect hindsight” is the best discription I can offer at 65 yo about past sexual abuse, assault & mental oppression suffered at the whim of men who apparently target girls, women that carry a lifelong supressed psycological humiliation even if they had access to therapy. It never leaves your psyche, it becomes an imbedded disability to daily interactions. I was a headstrong, intelligent, fighter from a loving home & idyllic childhood who swore I wouldn’t allow abuse to stop me that began with molestation at 8 years old by a friend’s father driving me home. It continued in public schools by groups of boys grabbing girls in hallways, stairways, playgrounds. It forced girls to gang up on the worst individual offenders outside of school. A horrible side effect when victims often turn offenders, not sexual predatory but street justice an old fashioned beating of mean bullys by girl gangs. The guilt associated with that entire survival mode was enormous. Ramifications go on to include 2 marriages to controlling abusive men (total opposites of my devoted father of 4 girls). Finally “date raped” when I went to college in the ’80’s ( learn to earn) as an adult divorced woman. Sexual abuse warps your judgment of who can be trusted, I’m convinced predators can sense that. I didn’t turn to drugs, alcohol, crime, which can be attributed to my upbringing. As a professional it continued with male employers & clients. A note: I was a stunning beauty who didn’t know it & dressed conservatively. My higher work & personal ethics were ridiculed as “prudish” when I rejected unwanted advances. I lost a lot of lucrative projects due to my refusals to “lay down on the job” for a boss. That was the industy’s inside joke among the men. Other women suggested I dress / act “more seductively” to scare off men that avoid aggressive single females. Horrible advice! It doesn’t work, it only attracts lower caliber predators who won’t take no as an answer.
I notice blaming the victim hasn’t changed very much in 30 years. But I see women finally realized strength in numbers force change, something 1960’s city schoolgirls already knew. That change has to include all depictions of women as sexual objects in media, workplace & in the home. From prostitute to nun it has to be an all inclusive worldwide supportive front. My mother once commented that if every woman “crossed their legs for a week they could rule the world” Maybe it’s something women should consider so all men get the memo that this must stop. We have the chance of the ages to make it so. NOW!!

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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