«

»

Oct 27

Anonymous Story: “J Said You Were…”

I was 16 and had never kissed a guy. I was an awkward goth kid and he was an athlete. We worked together. He drove me home one night, but suggested we stop somewhere quiet. I thought he was going to kiss me. He did. He unzipped his pants and held his hands over mine – he was much stronger – and made me jerk him off. I hated the smell, like an animal. I didn’t know what to do and there was nowhere to go. I couldn’t bring myself to run. I kept telling him I had to go home. I kept telling him I couldn’t be late. He tried to pull me on top of him and I remember how the parking brake dug into my side. I told him no. I told him I was on my period. I was terrified of him putting it in me anyway. Instead he let me fall back into the passenger seat, disgusted. Take me home. Take me home. I can’t be late. Take me home.

He finally put the car in gear. I let him kiss me quickly when he dropped me off. I was afraid my parents would smell him on me. I didn’t know what to do or feel or say.

He had two friends in particular who followed me around after that. They drove a distinctive green truck, older but well kept. They would come into my new job and one of them would giggle while the other hissed, “J said you were…” before trailing off. If I were parked somewhere, they would pull in so that I couldn’t get out easily and just stare. Slut. Whore. Freak. J said you were this. J said you were that. You were soft. You were… You were… Whore. Bitch.

I have never forgotten it. It took me awhile to call it for what it was – a sexual assault with harassment and intimidation after. I have often wondered how many other girls were forced into the same position I had been. I want them to know they’re not alone.

I want those long ago teenage boys to know that you may have scared me then, but you don’t scare me any more.

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/anonymous-story-j-said-you-were/