Anonymous Story: I wanted Kinky: But not like this…Unwanted Anal Sex

Anonymous Story: I wanted Kinky: But not like this…Unwanted Anal Sex

I met a guy on POF (Plenty of Fish), he was sweet and I thought he was so freaking cute. This was my first experience with a guy of another race sexually. I was excited and wondered what it would be like, but I didn’t plan on having sex with him on the first date. We pretty much had a mini argument in the car in the parking lot of the movie theatre after a couple of kisses. He wanted to take me to his place, but I kept saying no. I should have got out the car, but I didn’t. I was stupid and agreed because I didn’t want him to feel bad… (Thank God I don’t think like that anymore). Anyways we went to his place and had sex in a bed with no covers… almost like he had planned it beforehand… it was weird. Anyways I was really upset afterwards because he lied to me that he wanted a relationship and as soon as we had sex he told me he didn’t. I cried like a baby. Just looking back I now know how low my self esteem was…

Anyways, after that I contacted him again. I was in a lonely miserable state. The guy I really liked was mad at me and I found out he was talking to other women. I really thought having sex with someone else would fix me. So called the same lying looser. We had sex and it was pretty good. But the next time I called him, he came over with a black bag. I asked him what it was and he just explained it was some kinky stuff he bought. He blind folded me and tied my arms. I admit I was into it until he started yelling out these racial slurs… and after that he penetrated me. I still kinda liked it.
But all of a sudden he shoved his penis in my anis and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was trying to get him to stop and push him off me but my arms were tied and he was way stronger than I thought he was. I just pretty much laid there and waited for him to be finished. That was the most agonizing and excruciating pain I ever felt in my life and it seemed like it lasted forever. When we was done, I pretended like everything was ok. He left and I cried my eyes out. I just could not believe what happened. I was anally raped, and quite viciously. I wanted to tell someone but I couldn’t. I text him and told him I didn’t like what he did and he apologized. The saddest part of it all is I forgave him and invited him over again. This time we had sex but he used this huge dildo called a “dragon” or something. There’s this website that sells them. I know it’s weird. It just did not feel good at all. I pretended it was and I was so ready for him to be done. He blindfolded me that time as well and showed me the dildo afterwards…It was awful. I was just so stupid and bewildered. I never imagined I would do something so dangerous with someone I barely ever knew. My loneliness and self esteem was at an all time ridiculous low.

I never want anyone to experience what I experienced. Ever. Please, if you are have low esteem moments and feel lonely seek out help from God, family, and credible people of integrity.

Oh, let me not forget the aftermath of it all. I stayed at the doctor a lot and my little guts felt obliterated. I’m assuming I got some kind of infection because I have heard before anal ex most people properly prepare themselves by douching the anus. It was awful, I was in bed three days. Worst pain of my life.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Related