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Jul 28

Anonymous Story: I Never Knew He Was Satan

I was 17 and was dumped twice so I was taking a break from finding my soulmate. I was really happy being single and just wanted to catch up on me. But after a while, I felt lonely. All of my friends had relationships and I felt jealous because they were going on dates and I didn’t have a guy. So one day, my friends invited me to their house to hangout and meet guys. I went and met a guy. We started talking and he introduced himself. He was really cute, tall, dark and handsome. I told him my name and we exchanged numbers after we talked for hours. I figured he’d never call and I will never see him again. I was wrong. He called that night and we talked on the phone for hours. He texted me right when we hung up and invited me to hangout with him. I went and had a blast. We quickly became friends and I finally met his family. They really liked me. I was starting to like hanging out with him and the feelings became to crushing. I felt like he was crushing on me too. We quickly dated and I felt like the happiest girl in the world. He was super romantic, funny, nice, HOT, and everything I wanted in a man. We hungout like everyday and his parents would invite me to everything. Even called me their second daughter since they already have one but they loved me so much. I felt the crush grow into love and I was falling for him really quick. He was falling for me too. I felt the butterflies and he did too. I thought at a young age that he was the one for me. Boy I was wrong. I never knew the guy I was falling for would be the devil. It all started when we went to his house to go swimming. I must’ve gained a few pounds but I think I ate too much but I wore this really cute bathing suit and felt so confident. I felt like a million bucks. Well he said I was fat. I cried and he begged for forgiveness which I did. He said he was just joking and didn’t mean to say it. Things continued and he didn’t say anything about my weight again. We were happy besides that incident and things got stronger or so I thought. I will never forget the second time where I thought my life was over. We got into an argument and he was screaming, threatening and cursing. He raised his hand to my face and hit the wall. I was crying so hard that I hid in the bathroom. He ran after me and continued to apologize. I was so scared. I was shaking. I had no idea what happened. Things were fine until that argument. I forgave him and he told me he had a bad day and took it out on me. I know I should’ve left but I loved him. I never knew he would do that I was so afraid. His parents asked what happened and I told them. They were so shocked. I thought okay that’s it. He won’t be the devil. He promised he wouldn’t scare or hurt me ever but that promise was quickly broken. I was told I was fat, stupid, worthless, ugly, couldn’t have a career, no friends or family. I felt like he was trying to tell me okay he doesn’t want me to talk or see my friends. I couldn’t give them up because they’re my friends. I have to see them. He became so jealous whenever my friends would call or text and invite me out to hangout. He would try to block them on my phone but I would tell him that he doesn’t have too because they’re friends and he always accuse me cheating with them which I never did. His parents would accuse me of cheating too. I would tell them I’m not. They never believed me. They would try and find proof but there wasn’t any. His parents finally didn’t approve of my religion and always said to date guys who are the same religion but I didn’t want too. I loved their son and they could see it. I guess they were jealous because I found my one true love. We were so happy. But that was short lived again. I remember one time I decided to dress up for him and had makeup on. He told me to never wear it again. It was because he didn’t like makeup on me. Said it was a mask. I finally felt like maybe he was right. I decided to wear makeup more often and he still hated it. I didn’t care. I felt pretty. But then he would comment on my appearance. He would say bad things about my smile and didn’t want me to fix it. I noticed in the mirror that I needed braces. So I got braces and he hated it. I got a new hairstyle too and again, hated it. I finally felt like crap about myself. I felt like hiding in an eggshell. Hated my smile. Never smiled. Felt really fat. He would control my every move. If I was at work he would come in and see if I’m even doing my job. If I was talking to someone, he’d get really mad. He was always manipulating and super jealous. Always called and texted like 100 times. I couldn’t take it. I finally felt less confident even with the braces and new hairstyle. I tried to hide what I was feeling and fake smiled. I kept thinking omg I am fat. I am worthless, I did need braces and a new hairstyle because I’m ugly. I had an idea. I was going to continue with the braces and keep the hairstyle since I loved it and did some drastic things. I quit eating for a week. Lost weight and felt really sick. Was shaking, had headaches, felt really dizzy and nauseous. Had trouble sleeping because I was afraid he was going to hurt me. I couldn’t focus at work because I felt like he was always checking up on me. I was so scared of him. I cried all the time. I had thoughts of ending my life. He was really a monster. I broke down and told my best friend who is my mom. She was in shock after I told her what he did. She told me I can leave for good if I wanted. I said yes. We had a plan. It was her birthday weekend. He called. He wanted to know if we can hangout and I said no. He was yelling, screaming, threatening to hurt me and the family and cursing. I was crying so hard I hung up the phone. I told mom what happened and she said she can make it over for good. I said do it. She texted him and said it’s over for good. She finally told me that she ended it and I felt such a relief. I started to eat again and gained the weight back. I slept great. Felt confident again. Wasn’t scared anymore. I felt like a weight was off my shoulders. I felt happy. I was smiling again. I cried for a little bit but that was happy tears. I felt hurt by the breakup but I feel safe. I am never going back to him and he’s contacted me but I ignore it. I’ve gone on dates with different guys but none I really like. If I get into a relationship again, I will make sure the next guy won’t ever do this. Now that it’s over, I’m extremely grateful that I survived abuse. It will probably haunt me for life but I wanna find true love again. This is my story and hope it helped.

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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