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Sep 24

Anonymous Story: I Could’ve Saved My Little Sister and Myself So Much Pain…

I was at a birthday party for my neighbors friend.. my mom, me ,my 3 other sisters, my brother, and my moms boyfriend. At about 9 my mother took the 2 little ones and my second oldest sister home. Her boyfriend went with her and he was completely intoxicated. She left me and my sister whom is the middle child at the party to stay for another 2 hours. We came home together at 11. I played video games for about an hour while my sister fell asleep in the living room next to me. I fell asleep the hour later and i woke up because my mothers boyfriend was rubbing my back and then rubbing on my breast. I couldnt comprehend what was happening i didnt know how to react. I said stop and moved over and.. he said “but i like touching you” and i wrapped myself up in the covers and pretended to be asleep and be left alone. I fell asleep. But i didnt know my little sister was next. And he molested her that night too. He had been molesting my sister since she was 6. She was 10 the day of that birthday party. It was the first time he did that to me. I didnt know how to tell anybody so i kept quite but god i wish i said something. Several months later he touched me again. And this time in my private area. I froze i was in shock… i got up real quick and he darted back to my moms room. And between the first and second time he did that to me, he had already broken my little sister. He put his fingers inside of her. I cry all the time and ask god why would he let that happen, to my baby sister and why not me .. i was already 14 she was now only 11..but it had been going on longer with her he took her first kiss and gsve ger hickies and i just hope he fucking burns in hell. One day we were fighting with him and he told me to “shut the fuck up” and that he “pays everything ” so i told him to fuck off and my sisters came to yell at him too. My mother and the 2 little ones were gone . I was crying and so was my sister. And i looked at her and i just said it. I told her what he did to me. And she told me he did it to her too. I wanted to fuckin kill him. The next day he left for work and we told our mom and grandma. My mother called the police and we filed a police report. They investigated and he denied everything at first . The day before the trial.. he pleaded guilty. To two counts of indecency with a child by contact. What he didnt know is that… he would have gotten away with it because my sister was so small and could not remember everything, and i couldnt remember dates… but he confessed. And god im so mad that he got time served and doesnt have to go to prison but im so glad hes on the registry and that the girls here in my city have one less sick fuck to worry about. But i blame myself because if i had said something i couldve saved my sister… even if i couldnt prevented it the first time, i feel like if i had said something earlier he wouldnt have taken so much of the life out of my little sister. Or bothers me so much. I feel disgusted, that i let that sick man touch me, but even more disgusted that i didnt say anything sooner and save my sister more pain. Id do anything to go back in time and prevent everything that happened or at least keep my sister safe even if it still had to happen to me. I hate him. I kind of hate myself too. And everyday i act like a normal person but i cry myself to sleep at night. I know my story isnt half as bad as some of yours but no matter what was done abuse is abuse and it gets to you. Your head. I dont know how to feel. I just want to go back in time.

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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