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Dec 13

Anonymous Story: A doctor I trusted assaulted me

37 years ago I was sexually violated by a doctor I trusted. He was a pulmonologist. I was seeing due to chronic chest pain that was later diagnosed as costochondritis which is a very painful condition that can mimic a heart attach. I had been trying for several months to figure out what was wrong with me. I was a young mother with two very small children. He was the first doctor that seemed interested in trying to help me. The second time I saw him, he had me undress to examine me. One minute he was listening to my lungs, the next, his bare fingers were in my vagina. Now that I have typed that last sentence, I actually feel physically ill. I did not report what happened. I even saw him again (I was getting pretty desperate by that time to get some help for my pain). But that time, I took one of my children with me. That sounds pretty crazy doesn’t it? But that is what I did. I did not see him after that third time. Thankfully, I found another doctor who did help me and recovered from my chest pain. I did try to talk to my mother and my sister about what happened but I could not find the words and they did not seem able to understand what had happened. All I remember from them was shock and silence. I don’t blame them. I do regret not seeing a therapist about this – and I should add, I have never told my husband, a dear man who I love too much to burden with this – he has his own family history of sexual abuse (his brother and an uncle are sexual predators) and I simply can’t burden him with this too. So, I am going to look for a therapist finally. And I thank Lauren and all who create and moderate this page as I feel tonight that I am on my way to healing.

Why did I share tonight after all of these years? Of course I am happy that a sexual predator has not been elected to represent Alabama in the U.S. Senate (I hope). However, I am crushed to think of all the people who did vote for him. It feels like I am being victimized again – doesn’t make sense but that is how I feel – I have had a sense of doom all day waiting for the election results. I should feel happy but I don’t – too many people voted for him, something I cannot fathom. I am sure that many of you feel the same way. I want to say ME TOO that I feel this way too and I am so sorry, so very very sorry. What happened to me was appalling but many many of you have had much worse things happen to you. Again, so sorry. I love you my sisters and I feel your pain in the depth of my soul.

About the author

WYR

When You’re Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/anonymous-story-a-doctor-i-trusted-assaulted-me/