I know, logically, he is not going to rape me; but it is impossible to reason with myself in these moments because I am not even here. I am 6,000 miles away. I am not a confident, independent, experienced traveler. I am a sixteen year old girl who blames herself.
I was a Sophomore in college and it was first semester. I am now a 5th year college student because I almost failed out of school the year of my assult due to psychological issues from the assult.
I had just gotten home to my apartment by a sober driver for a fraternity. I had …View full post
I was raped by my own father from the time I was 8 until I was 17. He was everything from gental andf loving to forceful and very violent. I never quite knew what i was going to be getting or when or where. he started as early as 6 with hid grooming of me …View full post
I don’t remember it happening. Shit. Now that I’m thinking hard of enough I do. Shit. Now that I’m thinking hard enough. I can remember his body pressed on mine. Stop. Shame. I don’t remember how many times it happened. Once. Twice. Shit. Forget. Forget. Stop thinking. Shame.
I don’t like thinking of it. I …View full post
I have been raped twice, over a decade apart. I have struggled with this. I’ve heard it cited often in the media that a person who has been the victim of sexual violence are likely to be raped for a second time, so a person who’s been raped once is more likely to be raped …View full post
Please follow the link to view Ana’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyo9eyXTir8 A Message from Ana:
If you are being abused or have been abused, please seek help. Never give up hope. I love you and you matter. RAINN.ORG is a good source if you don’t know where to turn or need someone to talk to. If you …View full post
All names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of the survivor and the other individuals involved.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time. It’s been 6.5 years. I have talked to a very select few people about it, and only just began therapy. I almost think I just spent all …View full post
My name is Joanne. For five years I have been victim of domestic violence. He tried many times to choke me. He said hurtful things like after him noone would ever want to be with me. But for five years I kept convincing myself he would get better but he never did. When finally we …View full post
Dark hair, looked a bit like Skylar (I think that’s his name – I could look it up on imdb but I’m trying to keep writing before I get bogged down in emotion) from Heroes, those are the only physical characteristics I can really ascribe to the man who raped me …
Whoa, dramatic much… …View full post
Last winter, myself, my friend, her boyfriend at the time and his mate were all in the park smoking weed. It was late and me and my friend had met them after the two of us had been to our friend’s leaving party. After about an hour in the park, the police turned up, they …View full post
I’ve seen all the controversy towards rape & just wanted to share my story. Mine wasn’t horrific, but it made me think.
Heading for a night out, and I had been ‘pre-drinking’ with friends but wasn’t too drunk, just a nice vibe. Got talking to a guy on the coach and straight away he was …View full post
My Father walked out of my life when I was just 2 years old. No one knew why he left or where he went. I was left to grow up without a father. Luckily for me I had my Grandpa. He did everything with me that a father would do. Unfortunately, he passed away a …View full post
The other night my cousin and I were watching avatar, and it was very late. For awhile I had thought of him as a brother, so I would let him hold my hand at times. He’s turning 16 while I’m turning 14. So we were watching avatar when he grabbed my hand, but it was …View full post
We are proud to post our first video story! Thank you Anna for your courage and openness.
Please watch Anna’s powerful video at this link!
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My name is Samantha. I was raped, and never told anyone, and I’m falling apart. I was molested by my step brother starting at age ten that escalated to rape when I was 11, a couple times over three months. I should have said something. Once, my step mother opened the door and i know …View full post
the kid who at the time would be my best friend, later my boyfriend, and soon after my abuser. Freshman year, After a breakup with his first girlfriend I found myself talking to him alot more than i had in the last 8 years of knowing him. That summer before we dated it was perfect …View full post
We talk in English class about the concept of “Perception vs. Reality” and how literature demonstrates this universal truth. I wonder if anybody knows anyone at all as I think back to the word “Ethical” printed in the yearbook right beside my rapist’s face.View full post
I was 14, going into Sophomore year. He was 17 and a senior with a cool car, a perfect transcript, and a sports and voice state title. He was smooth talking and charming and sweet and cute and polite and incredibly complimentary and had a commanding presence. We could talk forever. He was my first …View full post
When I started my first job at a restaurant a girl told me that I look like a virgin, that I look like a girl that has never fucked someone. I guess she is right that I don’t look like that kind of person anymore. I look like sports bras and shirts that are baggy …View full post
I never thought rape would happen to me, I always saw rape stories on tv or the Internet. Most of them would be of guy raped girl, or stranger raped unconscious being. It was always someone they didn’t know or someone they were together with. But my attacker was a 14 year old girl, same …View full post
Even today, I don’t think I fully comprehend what exactly happened to me, or what it means. After ten years I’m still unable to let myself process it. I know that I am the one in the way of my own recovery, but I don’t know if I have the strength to walk that road …View full post
November 29th It was a dark rainy day. I was giving a speech. one i thought it’ll never chance me. Things will be the same. something happened. I felt odd after. A sort blood rush. I was kissed by a man. I kissed somebody. That person didn’t kiss me back. So somebody else did. It …View full post
I thought- he reduced me to thinking- that I was nothing more than a used person, and no one will want me again. I was willing to do anything to get back together, because I knew that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I felt like a broken piece of trash no one will even look at.View full post
And now months and months later I am trying to heal myself, heal the scars on my body, and the torment and flashbacks that haunt my thought. I am trying to feel peace, because I will kill myself believing my worth is only In sexually pleasing a man. I feel really small sometimes, and do feel worthless still sometimes, mostly I am ashamed that this has happened, embarrassed, and broken. But this is a first step, and now I am letting strength back into my life, and proving those thoughts I have wrong. I don’t want to be depressed all the time, I want to lead a normal healthy life & me writing this is me taking the first step of that journeyView full post
I remember sitting in the shower, and not being able to cry, I was so in shock over what had happened. It didn’t even occur to me right away what that was. I just wanted to keep showering. I wanted the water to be hot enough that it would wash my skin off, so I could be someone else. I envisioned my skin washing off like paint and running down the drain, I wanted to be someone else. Someone who could never ever be in that position. I wanted to be someone who could remember what happened.View full post
You want to believe he was just being selfish, imperfect. That this was somehow an acceptable pushing of boundaries. You want to normalize relationship violence because you love him. Then turn around and discuss what it means to be a feminist as if you are one. You want to act as if you care about victims of rape, of abuse, but you don’t. Not really. Your actions have proven that.View full post
Fellow blogger Elizabeth emailed the WYR team in the past few days to see how we were all doing. The Stanford Rapist case has hit us all hard. It hit us hard because it is the same story, the same process we all faced. It is about us, all of us. I told Elizabeth how …View full post
I guess I’m still confused on if it was rape or not. I don’t want to say this was rape because there are people out there who raped by others who physically hurt them and forced themselves on them. I don’t consider myself a true victim of rape because I’m not a survivor.. there were moments I was scared of what the guy would do but I didn’t cry out fear or have to scream for help.View full post
I took a shower, wanting to get rid of the evidence of the day. I knew I should call the police, but after going through filing charges as a kid against an adult who molested me, I knew what the process was like and I didn’t want to go through it again.View full post
I want to write down this story in order to help me move on. Ever since it happened I keep going back and thinking about what happened and how I could have stopped it from happening. It was the worst experience of my life, and I want to stop thinking about it. Hopefully after putting …View full post
I caught a whiff of cigarette breath and a flash of a memory from what seems like ages ago. It’s gotten to a point where I accept it. As soon as I think it’s finally gone I hear a familiar voice, see a face in the crowd, a specific look, I know the look now. …View full post
I am a sophomore in college and at the beginning of the year my friends and I decided to go out to the clubs to celebrate one of my friend’s birthdays. I was dancing and having a good time when I met this guy. We talked and he seemed pretty nice so we decided to …View full post
He finally lifted his body from mine to put on a condom, I then knew exactly what was about to happen, I was a virgin and did not want this to be my first time. I drunkly attempted to take the condom from him but that got him mad, so I finally started to leave, looking for my shirt or just something to leave in. Thats when we threw me across the bed, the final blow to my head on the low roof.View full post
Here I am at 2 in the morning struggling to find rest. Tears escaping my eyes and making their way down my cheeks. All the while I am thinking I bet he is sleeping soundly like a child. This irritates me to no end. I decide to get up and write this because I cant think of any other way to get this pain and feeling of violation out of my head and entire being.View full post
Kissing is no big deal, right? He then starts to thrust on me and I can feel his hardness. He thenstarts taking off my clothes. I tell him no, I’m on my period, but he doesn’t stop. He pulls out my tampon and then he enters me. He slapped me around and choked me. I didn’t do anything. Afterwards I ended up falling asleep and I wake up to him on top of me and before I know it he’s inside me again and this time without a condom. I told him no again especially since he didn’t have one.View full post
You have to fight to find yourself again, or you get pulled under by the grief, the fear, the guilt and all the rest of it. You have to find some kind of silver lining, however small, and pull yourself back up. As long as you pick yourself back up each time it overwhelms you, you are winning. It’s ok to be overwhelmed sometimes, to need help; just keep getting back up!View full post
The only thing colder than the temperature outside was the look in his eyes as he saw through who I was into what I was going to be for him. I knew what he had planned when our path skewed away from the gate to the tables. I tried to tell him I needed to go home and that it was too cold “maybe another time”. Without a word I was bent over, facing away from him. With a fist full of my hair in one hand he brought his other down on me as if I had committed a crime worth being punished for.View full post
Even as I’m typing this, I’m terrified that I’m lying, that what happened was consensual. Because I fucking said yes. But you know what? Yes doesn’t always mean yes. A mentally unstable, near-suicidal, Autistic sixteen year old girl cannot consent to sex with a mentally stable nineteen year old boy. Hell, that girl can’t consent to sex with anyone. But it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault.View full post
“Man, she’s through!” “I can’t get my d*ck in her for sh*t!” “We doing this jungle style!” “I don’t need my d*ck sucked tonight.” “Hold her leg!”
Dialogue of the rapists – I was extremely intoxicated with some unknown drug, possibly PCP.
My age now = 35 My age then = 17
# …View full post
He was my boyfriend. We had a lot of sex—but usually at his parents’ because mine forbade us to in their house. I’d invited him over and since we weren’t allowed in my bedroom, we decided to watch a movie in the family room. Our ritual was to snuggle up a the couch under a …View full post
So he would say again, “Nobody wants you. You don’t have friends. You don’t need friends, only me.” And it would start over and over again. Being locked all day in a dark room, naked, forced to have sex until my skin was raw, until I was bleeding and hurting, until there was only a fine line between pleasure and pain so that I could tell myself, “It’s not so bad.”View full post
I had to go work that morning, and I left feeling numb. I couldn’t even think. How was I supposed to think? That whole day was filled with shock and sickness. The day after that I realized what happened, I was drugged and raped by someone I thought I could trust.View full post
You’re dirty. You’re disgusting. No one is going to want you now. It’s your fault. You shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You’re an idiot. Why didn’t you fight back? Maybe it wasn’t as bad as you think. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone what happened.View full post
Next morning he bought us all croissants and took us all for breakfast, he paid for mine and then he walked me to my train to go home. His only words were “Last night was fun huh?” I say “Um… You did me… Without protection…” I kinda giggled a bit, nervously and he replied with “Yeah but whatever, no biggie. Plus, you were the one wiggling your butt and asking for it, dirty little girl!” after a wink… I got on my train, got home, told my mother what happened and she said “Well, you know what you were going to London for!”View full post
Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/ptsdtravel/
For those who were not following the trial or verdict, Jian Ghomeshi was acquitted on 4 counts of sexual assault and 1 count of choking on March 24, 2016.
I know this is (several months) late. I needed time to process it all and let the anger, fear, and disappointment simmer down. I want to understand and …
Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/not-guilty-does-not-equal-innocent/
I look at her and feel resentment. Her pretty hair and tanned skin and genuine smile make me angry. She’s 16 years old, a virgin. She’s an honour student with plans to go to law school. She has hope. Now she’s a painful reminder that I don’t get to be any of those things again. Someone should tell her that her dreams don’t come true.
Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/notwhoiam/
Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/a-letter-to-my-rapist/
Any major trauma will split your life into two – before and after. Everything falls away and you’re left with the reality that life as you know it is over, and everything is different now. Everything you thought you knew or could trust has been turned upside down and shaken like a snow globe. It shifts …
Permanent link to this article: http://whenyoureready.org/the-great-divide/